Winter Wonderland!

I successfully completed my first semester of graduate school!!! And let me just say that it sucked. But when I submitted my final 22-page paper, it felt great. So now that the semester is over and the year is coming to an end I have time to reflect.

2010....wow...wow...WOW! I'm not sure if those are good wow's or bad. So much happened in this year. Started of the year trying to figure out what to do with my life between applying to grad schools and applying for jobs. Met a guy, fell in love, then fell out of love and learned a lot about myself in the process. Heard the word "No" and "Denied" more than I'd ever heard before. Learned how to deal with that and move as well. Travelled to two, no, THREE foreign countries. Went to Mexico for Spring Break, Studied Abroad in London for a month! And even visited a friend in Paris while I was there. Oh and I graduated from THE best university, THE University of Texas at Austin with two Bachelors degrees. Then I began my next adventure in Florida at the University of Central Florida to work on my Master's.

Blessed doesn't even begin to describe my year. I also learned some very valuable life lessons during this year as well. I guess I'll just list them as the LESSONS OF 2010.

LESSONS OF 2010

1. Know thyself.

I know that is a no-brainer, but every once in a while we fall off the wagon. For me, I found myself in this relationship and begin to lose sight of who I was and my needs, hopes, and dreams. Towards the end of it, I had to chose between a job in TX and grad school hear in FL. And I must say that deciding to come to FL was the best decision I could have made. Sometimes I wonder how things would be had I stayed in TX, but at the end of the day, me coming out to FL helped me rediscover myself and see how strong of a person I am.

2. Get used to rejection

As someone who hardly ever hears no, I must admit that hearing the word is very difficult. Especially when it involves matters of your future and comes in multiples. I went through a rough period of uncertainty and even questioned God earlier this year. What exactly was God trying to do, trying to tell me. Doesn't God want me to be happy and successful? I had to learn that what I want is not always what I need and what is good for me, and that sometimes those rejections are pointing me in the direction of something else.

3. Take Chances

I had considered studying abroad for a while and decided to finally squeeze it in at the end of my college career in the form of a Maymester. It was the perfect idea because although it was tied to a class, I didn't need it to graduate. So I was basically on vacation in London for a month. It truly opened my eyes to the vastness of the world. I know that the world is a huge place, but you never truly understand until you are across the Atlantic experiencing another country where the U.S. isn't the center of everything. It was fascinating to see how people behave in other countries as well as how they are run and different cultural norms. It also made me appreciate the uncertainty of time. Time is not guaranteed to any of us, and while it is good to make plans for the distant future (I'm going back to London in 2012), it's also important to live in the present and explore and experience new things at every opportunity.

4. Appreciate your friends

I always say that I have few but very high quality friends. When I moved to FL and had to deal with being alone and newly single, my friends were the main reason that I made it through. They dealt with every crying phone call or depressed and self-pitying text message. And especially to my new friend who couldn't have entered my life at a better time and made my transition a lot less difficult. I am so grateful for each of them, and so happy to consider them not just my friends but my family members.

5. Reflect

This last one is something that I am currently working on. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that we don't even stop to look around and reflect on our lives and how far we've come. This time 5 years ago, I had submitted all of my college applications and was anxiously anticipating graduation and being a college freshman! Now I'm working on my Master's degree. I've had the opportunity to meet some really amazing and inspiring people and I've gotten to see some of the world in such little time. If this is what the last 5 years was like, I can't wait to experience the next 5 years.

-T

As the Semester Ends, the Work Begins

It's hard to believe that I have all but finished my first semester of graduate school. I have no more face-to-face class sessions and must now spend the next two-three weeks writing papers and book chapters. As I'm writing all these papers (more like brainstorming and trying to fight writers block) I get to look back on everything I have learned this semester.

It's funny because upon entering grad school I really had no expectations for what it would be like. I had hear things like you'll never get less than a B. The structure of the classes are a lot different because the professors like teaching and everyone who is there wants to be there. Also I wasn't sure how to feel about being in such a small program and cohort. My cohort has about 24 students and we will all traverse this grad school experience together all the way through until graduation. Everything you learn is important. And everything you learn needs to be retained for Comps next fall.

It's interesting to see how far things have come from several months ago when I was not in a very good place upon starting this program. But I have sense found myself again and I feel invigorated and even more ambitious then ever before. The possibilities are endless! When one door closes, another opens. And so far, I am enjoying everything God is showing me.

:)

Oh, Well Hello Adulthood

Over the weekend I had two former classmates get engaged. They weren't the first of my friends to get engaged but their news popped up on my facebook timeline at about the same time so I took notice. My initial reaction was, "aww how cute". And then I started flipping through pictures to see the ring and wishing them well via a wall post. And then it began to dawn on me, this is real life. This is adulthood.

Now of course I know that I'm an adult. I've graduated from undergrad and I'm now pursuing my master's degree. But being in school almost isolates you from the real world. Especially since I have literally been in school for the past 17 years. Wow. That's a really long time when I say it like that. Sheesh. Anyways. Although I'm an "adult," I'm still heavily supported by my parents, attend classes two days a week, and have upgraded from a student assistant position to a graduate assistant. Which means I make a couple more dollars an hour, but they throw in healthcare and a tuition stipend as well. But when I saw my friends engagement posts it really hit me. My classmates have full-time jobs now. They're pursuing their careers. They're paying taxes, getting married and changing their last names. Supporting their spouses and starting families. When did this happen?!?

Due to the fact that I've stayed in my "academic bubble" and none of my close friends have gotten married, I have been able to live in this stage of denial. But now that people close to me are starting to take the big leap to adulthood it's starting to make me anxious. Happy for them of course, but anxious for what the future holds. What will I do when I graduate in two years? Where will I be? What will life be like? God willing I'm still alive to see that time.

Sometimes I just wish I could get a sneak peek on the future. Mainly because I'm a control freak, I've come to realize. Yet, even though I would love to plan out where I will be in the next 3 years, due to prior experience in trying to get too far ahead of myself, I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to plan things out, God always has the final say. Always. And as frustrating as it may be, which it really is, all I can do is pray, wait and see.

Act Now, Regret Later?

So I have somewhat tried to live by the saying of, "When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure it's something worth watching." It's in my little blurb box on my Facebook page, and I think about it before I do something stupid as a way of justifying it. Somehow today I started thinking about the chat that's going to happen when I meet my maker. Or I guess the person that reads out my offenses and decides if my lifetime in eternity is going to be pleasant and enjoyable or Hell basically. I can see it now. The massive book they will pull out with pages filled with all of my sins. And the person asking me why I continued to keep messing up even when I knew it was wrong.

But even when I say that it doesn't deter me from the fact that I know I'm going to sin many times over the next month. And I don't mean little sins like taking a jolly rancher from someone without asking. Or maybe even giving cursing someone out when they cut you off on your way to work. No I mean the big sins. Which leads me to I guess the heart of this post as to why some people are so hypocritical as to which commandments or orders by God they choose to follow. Case in point, homosexuality. People constantly cite the Bible saying how homosexuality is a sin and anyone who is homosexual is going straight to hell. Yet those same people will then turn around and have all the premarital sex their bodies can handle. What gives? Do you think that just because you ask for forgiveness that it goes away? Yes it will be forgiven, but don't be surprised when all of your little indiscretions pop up in that book come judgement day. And be prepared to have a good answer when they ask why you sinned the first time and continued to sin.

Treading Water

So about this Grad School thing. Yea. I have begun to accept that by agreeing to go to graduate school (or at least this program) I have agreed to sign away my life and all of the fun I used to have for the next year and some change. This past weekend my Dad and Uncle came into town to bring me some stuff for my apartment and we spent a day at Universal Studios. The sad thing is that I couldn't even enjoy it because I was too busy thinking about how I was going to catch up on all of the precious reading time I was losing.

This is a far cry different from how things were this time a year ago. Even a few months ago. Family always came first. And not to say that my family still doesn't come first but things have certainly changed. It's only the 4th week of class and I am already just treading water trying to stay afloat and on top of my reading. And counting down until the end of the semester. It's even more difficult when I see my friends status updates about how much fun they're having in Austin or all of the things that they are doing and all of the FREE TIME that they have on their hands. I miss those days. I know that I shouldn't be complaining because in the end this degree will be worth it. But gosh I miss free time.

22, please be good to me.

So yesterday while I was chatting with my Dad on facebook I noticed on my newsfeed it was one of my "friends" birthday. I didn't write anything, but facebook has this new contraption where whenever someone has a birthday and mutual friends right on their wall then it shows up at the top. Anywho, that is not what I want to write about. It was her post that status that caught my attention. It said, "21 was a great year, I know 22 will be even better." Now she's not the first of my friends to post a status like this but now that I've been 22 for a little over a month now, I thought about my 21st year. And you know what? It was absolutely terrible.

I should have known that my 21st year wasn't going to be a good one by the way it started out. Actually, I think subconsciously I knew, but was in denial. So let's start with the low points and then hopefully end on a positive note.

So the lows started when half of my so-called friends that said they were going to come out for my birthday didn't. And honestly I still haven't really let it go, obviously. But I greatly appreciate my friends that did. :) Then my birthday night happened and my bf at the time tried to leave and go home which pissed me off, then later on the next day we got into another tiff and needless to say our relationship ended that weekend. Fast forward a few months and I was denied from TFA, denied from 3 of the grad schools I applied to except for one. Got stranded at the Philly airport and had to drive 5 hours to one of the grad school interviews, that later rejected me and then  my mom, got deployed.

Now the positives. I met a really great guy who I thought was the love of my life. I got into grad school. I graduated from undergrad. I studied abroad in London and even got to spend a weekend in Paris visiting a friend. And  I turned 22. Not super excited about being 22, but blessed to see another year.

Now since I've been 22, I've been dumped and had to deal with being in a new place without his emotional support. But I'm still alive! And I got a graduate assistantship, I got to go backstage at a concert, I enjoy my classes so far, and I have a pretty cool mentor. Needless to say it's been ok.

There were a lot of great things that happened in the past year, but unfortunately the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones. So now that I only have 11 more months to be 22 I am pretty much begging that 22 be a little bit more kind than 21.

I'm Not Ok.

So last night while making a trip to the grocery store, I found my self in the fruits and veggies section crying my eyes out as I was deciding between nectarines and peaches. I'd realized that I had put on a brave face over my recent move and break-up and as opposed to properly dealing with it, I tried to run from it, literally.

Every morning I wake up, take my dog out and then go for a run. The crappier I feel in the morning the longer I run. Then I come home, take a shower, run any errands I have, and then read while watching some movie and then fall asleep and repeat the same thing the next day. But for some reason I was bombarded by feelings of loneliness and abandonment. The fact that I really am alone out here, in this strange city, and about to get my butt kicked by grad school. While having my breakdown I was having two separate conversations with some girlfriends. One was telling me to enjoy the alone time and how much she enjoyed her alone time. I very much enjoy alone time, but I think it's the fact that if I wanted to go and see a movie or grab dinner with someone, I would have no one to call.

I know I'm not the only person to move to a completely new city (not including for undergraduate college) and not know anyone. And I know that when I graduate from here, I will be doing it again. So if I can't handle it now, how will I handle it in 2 years. To make matters worse, it doesn't help when I see all of my old friends out and about having fun with each other back in Texas or Virginia. It makes me wonder why I left my friends and support system behind. But that is exactly why I left those places.

I chose to go to an out-of-state school for Undergrad because I wanted to branch out and meet new people. I was afraid that if I stayed in VA, that my college friends would have also been my high school friends. And the reason why I chose to leave Texas is because I again wanted to get out and do something new. It's easy to get trapped in a place. I mean UT is a great school, I had great friends, I knew the area very well, and I loved the city. The longer I stayed there the more comfortable I would have become and not wanted to move. Not that there is anything wrong with TX, but I am an East Coast girl.

So hear I am, in FL, trying to start the next chapter of my life but I'm being held back by my own apprehensions and fears. So what do I do. Well, first off I have decided to admit to myself that I am scared shitless and that I am not ok. But I also know that as with most things, it will get better with time. So although I am not ok at the moment, I know that eventually I will be.

And So It Begins...

So after much anticipation and eagerness, I have begun my grad school journey. All day today I was pacing and trying to pass the time until my very first class. It didn't help that the class doesn't start until 6p so I had a lot of time on my hands.

It felt like my very first day of high school. I don't think my first day of college was as nerve-racking. But I could not keep from wondering what it would be like. Would the professor lecture the entire time? Would my classmates be a bunch of scholarly professionals? Would the professor lay down the law at the beginning of class setting the tone for the semester? What should I wear? Instead I walked into the classroom and felt like I was back in undergrad. Not back in freshman year undergrad, but upper division undergrad where many of the people in my class were in their mid to late 20s and there were even a few grandmothers, literally! But Instead I felt like I was in another upper division Communications course.

It was a relief to see that not much is different, but I'm sure I will be eating my words tomorrow when I embark on my History course.

Validation

So today I had two separate chat conversations with friends about life. They both seemed to marvel at the fact that I moved out to FL on my own for grad school. Once again, I always seem to forget how things that seem little and unimpressive to me, really are impressive. Not the act of going to graduate school, but the act of moving halfway across the country for it. And driving by myself, none the less. It just reminded me what an awesome person I am.

Everyone is an awesome person in their own right and sometimes we're so busy living life that we forget to stop and take notice. So in addition to starting every day dancing in front of my member and reminding myself of everything I like about my life, I will also be reminding myself of how awesome I am. This routine will become increasingly important as I embark on the next chapter of my life, grad school.

This blog was initially meant to be about my journey through grad school but has slowly evolved into an almost tell-all. However, as my last free weekend before grad school starts I am finally starting to realize what it is that I am getting myself into. I had orientation earlier this week, and when I walked into the room I felt like I was walking into a staff meeting that I wasn't supposed to be in. Granted, the orientation was for both Doctoral and Masters students, with the majority being Doctoral, I quickly realized that this was not going to be like Undergrad. I knew that it would not be like undergrad and that I would probably be the youngest person in my cohort, but you don't believe it until you see it. In any case, I have been acting current and former grad students what to expect, as well as searching relevant forums. The gist seems to be to not let it stress me out, to make sure I set aside time for a social life, to get to know my cohort and faculty members well and to enjoy it.

I am actually really excited about being a graduate student. And although I know my innocent and naïve illusions of how much fun it will be will probably be crushed within the first few weeks, I'm going to enjoy this feeling while it lasts and remember it when I reach the point in the semester when I begin to ask myself what the hell I was thinking.

Reflecting...yet again.

If u find urself in a place u've been before, ask urself "What is Life trying 2 teach me that I missed the 1st time?" #TheSW

This quote was tweeted by the Single Woman and I found it particularly interesting. Since I am newly single, I decided to follow the single woman for daily words of encouragement. It's funny because I haven't been truly single for a couple of years. Whenever one of my relationships end I somehow either find myself in another relationship or was already drifting towards another relationship. Emotionally cheating if you will, which is the worst kind of cheating. (Damn, just realized I was emotional cheater as I wrote that. Separate post to come on that subject).

In any case, as I mentioned in my previous blog, distance was the reason for the demise of my relationship. And when I saw that tweet by the SW I wondered what life was trying to teach me. Just about every relationship I have been in has been a long distance one at some point. Every. Single. One. Which makes me wonder why I continue to find my self in LDRs. Am I running from commitment and so I move away from relationships or do I just have the worst possible luck with finding someone in my own area. Take my last relationship for example. He was in the same city as me and it was great because we were able to see each other everyday. However, I was in my last semester of undergrad and applying to graduate schools. I had no intentions of staying in Texas after I graduated and planned on moving to the East Coast and didn't apply to any schools in TX or near TX for that matter. And of course as the relationship grew more serious I began to regret that decision. But hey, life is cruel and evil and sometimes has terrible timing.

My Ex before that lived two hours away and our relationship ultimately ended because I didn't want to move to where he lived. As far as I was concerned, from a job and school prospect, there was nothing there for me to do so it would not have been a good move. So here I am, in a place I've been before wondering how I managed to find my way here yet again. And honestly, I have no idea.

New Beginnings

So this blog post was going to be somewhat depressing due to the fact that I am now newly single. But this morning I logged onto facebook and saw a video that completely changed my attitude. It's a video of a girl that is standing and dancing in front of a mirror talking about all of the things that she loves about herself and her life. The concept was so simple but so profound.

So many times whenever things are going bad or not as well as we would have hoped we get into a funk and forget about all of the many blessings that we have. I am reminded of that as I go through this transition in my life. I couldn't imagine having gone through the past couple of days without my friends giving me words of encouragement and reminding me how awesome I am. :)

And while I brought it up, I may as well talk about it. Well my boyfriend and I ended our relationship. There were other factors to its end but it was mostly just the distance now that I am off in FL for grad school. I wasn't upset with him for ending things, but it was more so the idea that I wasn't the one. That I wasn't worth fighting for. And I don't believe that that was it, but it really was just the distance issue. I mean, being thousands of miles from someone for two years would be hard for anyone. And I am truly grateful that we ended things now as opposed to later on down the road.

So here I am now. Sitting in bed spending the day chatting with my friends, planning vacations, and preparing for the next chapter of my life. And I know that I will be ok. That simple video of the girl being so excited about everything she liked in her life inspired me. For the past few nights I have fallen asleep saying one simple prayer, God give me the strength. And he has and he will continue to do so.

:)

When hard work isn't enough

Relationships are work. I mean, they are a full time job. I have always heard this saying but it's always something that it difficult to conceptualize until you are in a relationship that is worth working hard for. But what happens when you're the only one working in a relationship?

It's always difficult to know when to throw in the towel. To know when your hard work is bordering on desperation. Every person is different as is every relationship. Putting in more effort in one relationship may show your partner that you truly care and are committed to making things work, while putting more effort in another may be pointless and a eye opener for you to show you that maybe your love has reached its end.

Yesterday I had two separate conversations with some girlfriends about their love lives. One had literally waited years for this guy to truly appreciate her only to have that all come crashing down to a halt when she emotionally confronted him about his inability to commit to either a friendship or relationship despite her constant support of him. The other faced herself being betrayed by an old love, and probably someone that she will love forever who is now secretly and supposedly dating a close friend.

This morning I was reading an article about how if if women want their relationship to last than they should let their men cheat. Or rather they should be open and give their man the freedom to cheat because that then gives the woman the power in the relationship. It is absolutely ridiculous to me that a woman will knowingly and I'm sure begrudgingly let her man cheat all for the sake of keeping power in the relationship.

Where does a woman draw the line between compromising to help make a relationship work and losing all sense of herself in the process...

T

Orlando Day 2

So I arrived in Orlando yesterday afternoon after a two day road trip from Austin. I made pretty good time and the trip actually wasn't as bad as I thought it would be thanks to a little help from Eminem, Celine Dione, and a few other artists. It's strange to be here not as a vacationer but as a new resident who will be living here for the next two years. I am secretly already counting down until I'm done with the program. I think I just have a lot of pre-school jitters. I mean this is a lot different from when I went to undergrad to TX, which I am unfortunately just now realizing. When I went to UT as a freshman, granted I didn't know anyone, but I was living in a dorm on campus immersed in the "freshman experience". Between this and having a cool roommate, I was able to make friends rather friendly. This grad school thing, however, is a completely different experience. I'm not moving into a dorm (in fact I'm about 15-20 minutes away from campus), and I don't have class every day, nor will there be a welcome event similar to that of the freshman one. Mix that with the fact that I am completely alone in my apt waiting for my furniture to arrive and with too much time on my hands and you have yourself a recipe for disaster.

I know that when I look back on this moment, I'll hopefully feel really grateful that I took a chance and got out of my comfort zone. Until then I will be counting down the days until I see a familiar face.

Everything's Changing

I've come to realize that I downplay things. A lot. For instance, I am starting graduate school this fall and packing up and moving to FL. Everyone around me seems to think it's a big deal but for some reason it either hasn't hit me, or I am trying to trick myself into not making a big deal about it. I mean, I will have a masters degree by the time I'm 24. That's quite an achievement. But it seems like it's a regular occurrence to me. Something that you are supposed to do. I guess that's the blessing and curse of having a mother who has several masters degrees and a dad that has a Ph.D along with friends who are heading off to graduate schools across the country. It brings new meaning to the saying, "Watch the company you keep." When you have ambitious and successful friends that help motivate you will it ever be enough though? What is it that we're chasing out of life?

Today I finished packing up my apartment. It was funny to see all that I had collected over the years here in Austin. It was also interesting to see what things I'd kept that had no value other than memories and sentimental value. While packing I hadn't realized how much I enjoyed living here. Aside from attending one of the best universities that will always have a special place in my heart, Austin will also hold a special place as well. It's funny how much I took for granted. The little things like going for a run at Town Lake, or never being shocked by anything I saw downtown or anywhere in the city. The range of things to do, the liberalness of the city, and tons of other things. I forget that this has been my home for four years and now I'm leaving and headed to another home to make new memories. It's funny to think that this time last year I was so ready to get out of the miserable heat and routine of Austin. But now I find myself getting slightly sentimental when I think of all the people I'll leave behind and how I'll have to make new friends in FL. But I know that it is yet another adventure that is sure to bring with it challenges and laughs along the way.

Moments to Live For

As of late, I have found myself constantly counting down to something or wishing time would speed up. Wishing I could wake up and it would be August. Hoping the semester goes by quickly. Counting down until Christmas. Counting down until May when I will be halfway through my program. Forever counting down to something and then finding something else to count down to. All this counting down has caused me to lose sight of the present.

I remember in a class I had where one of the students did a project where she got input from people on reasons to live or things to live for. It made me think of my own moments that have made life worth living for. So I decided I would jot some of them down here. Enjoy :)

The feeling of cool bed sheets.

The calmness of the early morning.

Laughing so hard you snort, cry, and your abs are sore.

Making eye contact with your special someone from across the room.

The awkward moment before a first kiss.

The joy of Christmas morning.

A night on the town with my girls.

Drunk texts from your crazy best friends.

Riding the DC metro while listening to my ipod.

Going home.

The taste of REAL southern sweet tea.

Seeing an item you've been wanting on sale!

Driving at night with all of the windows down.

The smell and sound of the ocean.

Witnessing a miracle.

Puppies

The unconditional love of my dogs.

Conquering your fears.

Using a GRE word in a sentence correctly.

The smell of fall.

Watching the snow fall.

Driving through the back roads of Virginia in the middle of October when the all the leaves are changing colors.

Inside jokes.

Successfully cooking something you've never made before.

Times Square at night.

UT football games.

The feeling of sand between your toes.

Experiencing something new.

Calm silence.

Catching lightning bugs in the summer.

Movie nights with my brother.

Game nights with my family.

Fresh baguettes.

Deep and intimate conversations.

Walking through the streets of Paris and hearing an impromptu concert by a violinist.

The excitement of traveling to a different country.

Chocolate covered strawberries.

Long runs.

Massages.

The smell of rain.

A good cry.

The smell of lavender and vanilla.

Waking up to the smell of fresh baked cinnamon rolls.

Finding a passage in the Bible that speaks to you and tugs at your heart.

Movies with happy endings.

Seeing a shooting star.

Seeing a solar/lunar eclipse.

Making a bucket list and checking off things as you do them.

Snuggling up in a blanket fresh out of the dryer.

Knowing that you mean something to somebody.

LDR's

LDR=Long Distance Relationship (for those that don't know). In any case, today is the official Day 1 of me being in a LDR, although I kicked it off last night by consuming a bottle of wine, visiting an upstairs neighbor and watching Titanic, then taking a trip to a 24-hr diner followed by my passing out as soon as I got home. To make matters worse, my best friend who would normally be here to console or drink with me left this week as well. Talk about terrible timing. Anywho, as soon as she left I quickly sent her a text seeking moral support. She was very positive in her outlook and suggested that I pick up a hobby. It was a great idea. I haven't had anything to do really since returning from London and have several weeks until I move to FL. So why not find something to distract me. So what would I do?

Well me not being able to think of anything other than reading or knitting (which is not my strong point and there's no point of knitting a sweater when it's 90º outside) I went to the source of all answers. Bing.com and typed in hobbies. It sounds pretty ridiculous but I needed ideas. Next thing I knew I found myself on a website talking about bucket lists. I too have made a bucket list, but none of them are things I can do right now. But as I looked through the list that included such things as Running with the Bulls and having dinner with a celebrity, there was one that stood out to me. Learn another language. I have always wanted to learn another language, in particular Spanish. I took 3 years in high school and 3 semesters in college and can probably only hold a conversation with a 4 year old. They say that the best way to learn another language is just to immerse your self in a country that speaks it primarily, but with my lack of funds to book a ticket to South America, I chose the second best option. Rosetta Stone.

I've seen plenty of infomercials and encountered the resellers in mall kiosks and have heard nothing but good things from people that have used it. So I decided to look into it and go for it. After deciding that I didn't want to order it online and wait for it to be delivered, I called local Border's to see if they have the version that I wanted. None of them had the levels I wanted, but one store did have the next set, so I went ahead and purchased it.

After about two hours and only now beginning Lesson 3 of Unit 1 of Disc 1 of Level 1. I purchased three levels. Level 1 has 3 units and each unit has about 4 of 5 lessons. Needless to say, I will be occupied. And I have to say, if I do learn Spanish fairly fluently, I may never speak English again.

I have no idea how long this will keep me occupied or how long I will keep up with it. Actually, scratch that, for the amount of money I cost I will keep up with it. However, even if this LDR doesn't work out how I hope it will, at least I will have learned a second language out of it. :)

Life's a Blur

So, in the past two months I graduated from college, got a job offer, rejected that job offer, got into grad school, enrolled in that grad school, spent a month in Europe, and tried to make sense of all that was going on. It's hard to believe that I'm moving on to the next phase of my life. The good thing is that I have given myself a month and a half to process it.

During my entire time at UT, I hardly ever sat down to just enjoy it and take in the fact that I was in college. That these were going to be the best four years of my life. And now it's over. I don't have any regrets, but I finally understood what people meant when they said that they would be the best four years of my life.

So now I'm moving on to graduate school in the hopes that in three years a Master's degree will not have depreciated in value like the Bachelor's has. And also so that when I apply to jobs, my application will actually be reviewed. However, I'm still not sure that in two years I'll be ready for the working world. Working M-F 8-5 year round. No more Spring Break. No more month long Christmas break. And no more summer vacation to "work" a summer job. Yet, I'm not sure if it's the idea of the working world that scares me, or the lifestyle that comes along with the working world.

Just the thought of being an adult sends my head into a tail-spin. Rent or mortgages, health insurance, car insurance, car payments, savings, 401Ks, other bills, marriage, kids, being able to afford kids, life insurance, retirement.....and so on and so on. Whenever I think of all of these future responsibilities, it reminds me to live in the moment. I've always been someone who likes to plan my future far in advance. When I got to undergrad, I had planned everything out all the way to grad school. Of course those plans changed the first semester. Now the summer before I start grad school, I have already planned out what I'll be doing and what jobs I'll be applying to when I graduate. But I think now, having flown through undergrad without taking the time to look up and around, I will really appreciate and count my blessings far more often.

~T

London

So I had intended on detailing every day of my trip here in London, however that has not nor will it happen. So I will attempt to document every few days or so.

Anyhow, I am in London studying abroad for a month with the UT Maymester program. The course is a Social Work course that focuses on Social Justice and diversity in London. I don't need it to graduate but it's an interesting course and a good reason to come to London on UT's dime.

So for starters....

The plane ride to London was hell. I mean torturous. I must say that if you ever intend on traveling abroad or plan on hopping aboard a plane for 9 hours, do yourself a favor and just save up to pay more for a business class seat. When I say that there was no leg room, I mean there was no leg room . I'm only 5'2" and I felt like I was smushed into my seat and I was even sitting on the aisle. Also, I'm pretty sure the seats reclined even less than they do on domestic flights. So it was 9 hours trying to sleep upright. But in any case I made it safely.

The first day we just went to our homestay and met our homestay parents. They have five kids ages 8-22 all living in the house, plus the three of us (my roomies and I) and the parents. Surprisingly, with 10 people in one house it's not crazy at all.

On Day 2....

Today we got to take a bus tour of London. It wasn't a red double decker bus (although that is what their city buses look like) but it was good enough. We got to see the London Eye, Tower Bridge (which most people think is London Bridge, it's not), Big Ben (which isn't as big as I thought it would be), Westminster, St. James Palace, a bunch of status, lots of churches, pubs, churches converted into pubs, and lots of other very historical buildings. London also has a number of parks which people actually use, it's quite nice. We even got to see a changing of some of the Queens guards.

Reflections

So my time here at UT has finally come to an end. It's so hard to believe that I've been here for four years already. People always say that it flies by but I never thought that it actually would. Most of my friends are excited to finally leave UT and get on with their lives. I, however, am panicking.

I applied and had an interview for a job last week and will find out later on this week if I got it. As I thought about it today I realized how unprepared I am for the real world. I have to pay for my own phone bill, insurance, find an apartment with an affordable rent, cable, water, electric, student loans, save for retirement, transportation, food, getting my hair done, taking care of my dog, taking care of myself, file my taxes, etc. While everyone else has been panicking about finals I've been panicking about why noone prepared me for this next step. Then I saw how much money Uncle Sam would be taking out of my potential paychecks I got pissed. And to make matters worse, when I saw what the average salary is for someone who works in higher ed I realized that my days of having shopping sprees at Coach and J. Crew were over.

Bye Bye reckless, selfish, irresponsible college years. It's been real.