So I have decided to combine this blog with my other Wordpress blog that I have. So I'm moving over to there!! Follow me!!
New Blog
http://tavabingham.wordpress.com/
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
Winter Wonderland!
I successfully completed my first semester of graduate school!!! And let me just say that it sucked. But when I submitted my final 22-page paper, it felt great. So now that the semester is over and the year is coming to an end I have time to reflect.
2010....wow...wow...WOW! I'm not sure if those are good wow's or bad. So much happened in this year. Started of the year trying to figure out what to do with my life between applying to grad schools and applying for jobs. Met a guy, fell in love, then fell out of love and learned a lot about myself in the process. Heard the word "No" and "Denied" more than I'd ever heard before. Learned how to deal with that and move as well. Travelled to two, no, THREE foreign countries. Went to Mexico for Spring Break, Studied Abroad in London for a month! And even visited a friend in Paris while I was there. Oh and I graduated from THE best university, THE University of Texas at Austin with two Bachelors degrees. Then I began my next adventure in Florida at the University of Central Florida to work on my Master's.
Blessed doesn't even begin to describe my year. I also learned some very valuable life lessons during this year as well. I guess I'll just list them as the LESSONS OF 2010.
LESSONS OF 2010
1. Know thyself.
I know that is a no-brainer, but every once in a while we fall off the wagon. For me, I found myself in this relationship and begin to lose sight of who I was and my needs, hopes, and dreams. Towards the end of it, I had to chose between a job in TX and grad school hear in FL. And I must say that deciding to come to FL was the best decision I could have made. Sometimes I wonder how things would be had I stayed in TX, but at the end of the day, me coming out to FL helped me rediscover myself and see how strong of a person I am.
2. Get used to rejection
As someone who hardly ever hears no, I must admit that hearing the word is very difficult. Especially when it involves matters of your future and comes in multiples. I went through a rough period of uncertainty and even questioned God earlier this year. What exactly was God trying to do, trying to tell me. Doesn't God want me to be happy and successful? I had to learn that what I want is not always what I need and what is good for me, and that sometimes those rejections are pointing me in the direction of something else.
3. Take Chances
I had considered studying abroad for a while and decided to finally squeeze it in at the end of my college career in the form of a Maymester. It was the perfect idea because although it was tied to a class, I didn't need it to graduate. So I was basically on vacation in London for a month. It truly opened my eyes to the vastness of the world. I know that the world is a huge place, but you never truly understand until you are across the Atlantic experiencing another country where the U.S. isn't the center of everything. It was fascinating to see how people behave in other countries as well as how they are run and different cultural norms. It also made me appreciate the uncertainty of time. Time is not guaranteed to any of us, and while it is good to make plans for the distant future (I'm going back to London in 2012), it's also important to live in the present and explore and experience new things at every opportunity.
4. Appreciate your friends
I always say that I have few but very high quality friends. When I moved to FL and had to deal with being alone and newly single, my friends were the main reason that I made it through. They dealt with every crying phone call or depressed and self-pitying text message. And especially to my new friend who couldn't have entered my life at a better time and made my transition a lot less difficult. I am so grateful for each of them, and so happy to consider them not just my friends but my family members.
5. Reflect
This last one is something that I am currently working on. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that we don't even stop to look around and reflect on our lives and how far we've come. This time 5 years ago, I had submitted all of my college applications and was anxiously anticipating graduation and being a college freshman! Now I'm working on my Master's degree. I've had the opportunity to meet some really amazing and inspiring people and I've gotten to see some of the world in such little time. If this is what the last 5 years was like, I can't wait to experience the next 5 years.
-T
2010....wow...wow...WOW! I'm not sure if those are good wow's or bad. So much happened in this year. Started of the year trying to figure out what to do with my life between applying to grad schools and applying for jobs. Met a guy, fell in love, then fell out of love and learned a lot about myself in the process. Heard the word "No" and "Denied" more than I'd ever heard before. Learned how to deal with that and move as well. Travelled to two, no, THREE foreign countries. Went to Mexico for Spring Break, Studied Abroad in London for a month! And even visited a friend in Paris while I was there. Oh and I graduated from THE best university, THE University of Texas at Austin with two Bachelors degrees. Then I began my next adventure in Florida at the University of Central Florida to work on my Master's.
Blessed doesn't even begin to describe my year. I also learned some very valuable life lessons during this year as well. I guess I'll just list them as the LESSONS OF 2010.
LESSONS OF 2010
1. Know thyself.
I know that is a no-brainer, but every once in a while we fall off the wagon. For me, I found myself in this relationship and begin to lose sight of who I was and my needs, hopes, and dreams. Towards the end of it, I had to chose between a job in TX and grad school hear in FL. And I must say that deciding to come to FL was the best decision I could have made. Sometimes I wonder how things would be had I stayed in TX, but at the end of the day, me coming out to FL helped me rediscover myself and see how strong of a person I am.
2. Get used to rejection
As someone who hardly ever hears no, I must admit that hearing the word is very difficult. Especially when it involves matters of your future and comes in multiples. I went through a rough period of uncertainty and even questioned God earlier this year. What exactly was God trying to do, trying to tell me. Doesn't God want me to be happy and successful? I had to learn that what I want is not always what I need and what is good for me, and that sometimes those rejections are pointing me in the direction of something else.
3. Take Chances
I had considered studying abroad for a while and decided to finally squeeze it in at the end of my college career in the form of a Maymester. It was the perfect idea because although it was tied to a class, I didn't need it to graduate. So I was basically on vacation in London for a month. It truly opened my eyes to the vastness of the world. I know that the world is a huge place, but you never truly understand until you are across the Atlantic experiencing another country where the U.S. isn't the center of everything. It was fascinating to see how people behave in other countries as well as how they are run and different cultural norms. It also made me appreciate the uncertainty of time. Time is not guaranteed to any of us, and while it is good to make plans for the distant future (I'm going back to London in 2012), it's also important to live in the present and explore and experience new things at every opportunity.
4. Appreciate your friends
I always say that I have few but very high quality friends. When I moved to FL and had to deal with being alone and newly single, my friends were the main reason that I made it through. They dealt with every crying phone call or depressed and self-pitying text message. And especially to my new friend who couldn't have entered my life at a better time and made my transition a lot less difficult. I am so grateful for each of them, and so happy to consider them not just my friends but my family members.
5. Reflect
This last one is something that I am currently working on. It's so easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle that we don't even stop to look around and reflect on our lives and how far we've come. This time 5 years ago, I had submitted all of my college applications and was anxiously anticipating graduation and being a college freshman! Now I'm working on my Master's degree. I've had the opportunity to meet some really amazing and inspiring people and I've gotten to see some of the world in such little time. If this is what the last 5 years was like, I can't wait to experience the next 5 years.
-T
Thursday, November 18, 2010
As the Semester Ends, the Work Begins
It's hard to believe that I have all but finished my first semester of graduate school. I have no more face-to-face class sessions and must now spend the next two-three weeks writing papers and book chapters. As I'm writing all these papers (more like brainstorming and trying to fight writers block) I get to look back on everything I have learned this semester.
It's funny because upon entering grad school I really had no expectations for what it would be like. I had hear things like you'll never get less than a B. The structure of the classes are a lot different because the professors like teaching and everyone who is there wants to be there. Also I wasn't sure how to feel about being in such a small program and cohort. My cohort has about 24 students and we will all traverse this grad school experience together all the way through until graduation. Everything you learn is important. And everything you learn needs to be retained for Comps next fall.
It's interesting to see how far things have come from several months ago when I was not in a very good place upon starting this program. But I have sense found myself again and I feel invigorated and even more ambitious then ever before. The possibilities are endless! When one door closes, another opens. And so far, I am enjoying everything God is showing me.
:)
It's funny because upon entering grad school I really had no expectations for what it would be like. I had hear things like you'll never get less than a B. The structure of the classes are a lot different because the professors like teaching and everyone who is there wants to be there. Also I wasn't sure how to feel about being in such a small program and cohort. My cohort has about 24 students and we will all traverse this grad school experience together all the way through until graduation. Everything you learn is important. And everything you learn needs to be retained for Comps next fall.
It's interesting to see how far things have come from several months ago when I was not in a very good place upon starting this program. But I have sense found myself again and I feel invigorated and even more ambitious then ever before. The possibilities are endless! When one door closes, another opens. And so far, I am enjoying everything God is showing me.
:)
Monday, November 15, 2010
Oh, Well Hello Adulthood
Over the weekend I had two former classmates get engaged. They weren't the first of my friends to get engaged but their news popped up on my facebook timeline at about the same time so I took notice. My initial reaction was, "aww how cute". And then I started flipping through pictures to see the ring and wishing them well via a wall post. And then it began to dawn on me, this is real life. This is adulthood.
Now of course I know that I'm an adult. I've graduated from undergrad and I'm now pursuing my master's degree. But being in school almost isolates you from the real world. Especially since I have literally been in school for the past 17 years. Wow. That's a really long time when I say it like that. Sheesh. Anyways. Although I'm an "adult," I'm still heavily supported by my parents, attend classes two days a week, and have upgraded from a student assistant position to a graduate assistant. Which means I make a couple more dollars an hour, but they throw in healthcare and a tuition stipend as well. But when I saw my friends engagement posts it really hit me. My classmates have full-time jobs now. They're pursuing their careers. They're paying taxes, getting married and changing their last names. Supporting their spouses and starting families. When did this happen?!?
Due to the fact that I've stayed in my "academic bubble" and none of my close friends have gotten married, I have been able to live in this stage of denial. But now that people close to me are starting to take the big leap to adulthood it's starting to make me anxious. Happy for them of course, but anxious for what the future holds. What will I do when I graduate in two years? Where will I be? What will life be like? God willing I'm still alive to see that time.
Sometimes I just wish I could get a sneak peek on the future. Mainly because I'm a control freak, I've come to realize. Yet, even though I would love to plan out where I will be in the next 3 years, due to prior experience in trying to get too far ahead of myself, I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to plan things out, God always has the final say. Always. And as frustrating as it may be, which it really is, all I can do is pray, wait and see.
Now of course I know that I'm an adult. I've graduated from undergrad and I'm now pursuing my master's degree. But being in school almost isolates you from the real world. Especially since I have literally been in school for the past 17 years. Wow. That's a really long time when I say it like that. Sheesh. Anyways. Although I'm an "adult," I'm still heavily supported by my parents, attend classes two days a week, and have upgraded from a student assistant position to a graduate assistant. Which means I make a couple more dollars an hour, but they throw in healthcare and a tuition stipend as well. But when I saw my friends engagement posts it really hit me. My classmates have full-time jobs now. They're pursuing their careers. They're paying taxes, getting married and changing their last names. Supporting their spouses and starting families. When did this happen?!?
Due to the fact that I've stayed in my "academic bubble" and none of my close friends have gotten married, I have been able to live in this stage of denial. But now that people close to me are starting to take the big leap to adulthood it's starting to make me anxious. Happy for them of course, but anxious for what the future holds. What will I do when I graduate in two years? Where will I be? What will life be like? God willing I'm still alive to see that time.
Sometimes I just wish I could get a sneak peek on the future. Mainly because I'm a control freak, I've come to realize. Yet, even though I would love to plan out where I will be in the next 3 years, due to prior experience in trying to get too far ahead of myself, I have come to realize that no matter how much I try to plan things out, God always has the final say. Always. And as frustrating as it may be, which it really is, all I can do is pray, wait and see.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Act Now, Regret Later?
So I have somewhat tried to live by the saying of, "When your life flashes before your eyes, make sure it's something worth watching." It's in my little blurb box on my Facebook page, and I think about it before I do something stupid as a way of justifying it. Somehow today I started thinking about the chat that's going to happen when I meet my maker. Or I guess the person that reads out my offenses and decides if my lifetime in eternity is going to be pleasant and enjoyable or Hell basically. I can see it now. The massive book they will pull out with pages filled with all of my sins. And the person asking me why I continued to keep messing up even when I knew it was wrong.
But even when I say that it doesn't deter me from the fact that I know I'm going to sin many times over the next month. And I don't mean little sins like taking a jolly rancher from someone without asking. Or maybe even giving cursing someone out when they cut you off on your way to work. No I mean the big sins. Which leads me to I guess the heart of this post as to why some people are so hypocritical as to which commandments or orders by God they choose to follow. Case in point, homosexuality. People constantly cite the Bible saying how homosexuality is a sin and anyone who is homosexual is going straight to hell. Yet those same people will then turn around and have all the premarital sex their bodies can handle. What gives? Do you think that just because you ask for forgiveness that it goes away? Yes it will be forgiven, but don't be surprised when all of your little indiscretions pop up in that book come judgement day. And be prepared to have a good answer when they ask why you sinned the first time and continued to sin.
But even when I say that it doesn't deter me from the fact that I know I'm going to sin many times over the next month. And I don't mean little sins like taking a jolly rancher from someone without asking. Or maybe even giving cursing someone out when they cut you off on your way to work. No I mean the big sins. Which leads me to I guess the heart of this post as to why some people are so hypocritical as to which commandments or orders by God they choose to follow. Case in point, homosexuality. People constantly cite the Bible saying how homosexuality is a sin and anyone who is homosexual is going straight to hell. Yet those same people will then turn around and have all the premarital sex their bodies can handle. What gives? Do you think that just because you ask for forgiveness that it goes away? Yes it will be forgiven, but don't be surprised when all of your little indiscretions pop up in that book come judgement day. And be prepared to have a good answer when they ask why you sinned the first time and continued to sin.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Treading Water
So about this Grad School thing. Yea. I have begun to accept that by agreeing to go to graduate school (or at least this program) I have agreed to sign away my life and all of the fun I used to have for the next year and some change. This past weekend my Dad and Uncle came into town to bring me some stuff for my apartment and we spent a day at Universal Studios. The sad thing is that I couldn't even enjoy it because I was too busy thinking about how I was going to catch up on all of the precious reading time I was losing.
This is a far cry different from how things were this time a year ago. Even a few months ago. Family always came first. And not to say that my family still doesn't come first but things have certainly changed. It's only the 4th week of class and I am already just treading water trying to stay afloat and on top of my reading. And counting down until the end of the semester. It's even more difficult when I see my friends status updates about how much fun they're having in Austin or all of the things that they are doing and all of the FREE TIME that they have on their hands. I miss those days. I know that I shouldn't be complaining because in the end this degree will be worth it. But gosh I miss free time.
This is a far cry different from how things were this time a year ago. Even a few months ago. Family always came first. And not to say that my family still doesn't come first but things have certainly changed. It's only the 4th week of class and I am already just treading water trying to stay afloat and on top of my reading. And counting down until the end of the semester. It's even more difficult when I see my friends status updates about how much fun they're having in Austin or all of the things that they are doing and all of the FREE TIME that they have on their hands. I miss those days. I know that I shouldn't be complaining because in the end this degree will be worth it. But gosh I miss free time.
Friday, September 3, 2010
22, please be good to me.
So yesterday while I was chatting with my Dad on facebook I noticed on my newsfeed it was one of my "friends" birthday. I didn't write anything, but facebook has this new contraption where whenever someone has a birthday and mutual friends right on their wall then it shows up at the top. Anywho, that is not what I want to write about. It was her post that status that caught my attention. It said, "21 was a great year, I know 22 will be even better." Now she's not the first of my friends to post a status like this but now that I've been 22 for a little over a month now, I thought about my 21st year. And you know what? It was absolutely terrible.
I should have known that my 21st year wasn't going to be a good one by the way it started out. Actually, I think subconsciously I knew, but was in denial. So let's start with the low points and then hopefully end on a positive note.
So the lows started when half of my so-called friends that said they were going to come out for my birthday didn't. And honestly I still haven't really let it go, obviously. But I greatly appreciate my friends that did. :) Then my birthday night happened and my bf at the time tried to leave and go home which pissed me off, then later on the next day we got into another tiff and needless to say our relationship ended that weekend. Fast forward a few months and I was denied from TFA, denied from 3 of the grad schools I applied to except for one. Got stranded at the Philly airport and had to drive 5 hours to one of the grad school interviews, that later rejected me and then my mom, got deployed.
Now the positives. I met a really great guy who I thought was the love of my life. I got into grad school. I graduated from undergrad. I studied abroad in London and even got to spend a weekend in Paris visiting a friend. And I turned 22. Not super excited about being 22, but blessed to see another year.
Now since I've been 22, I've been dumped and had to deal with being in a new place without his emotional support. But I'm still alive! And I got a graduate assistantship, I got to go backstage at a concert, I enjoy my classes so far, and I have a pretty cool mentor. Needless to say it's been ok.
There were a lot of great things that happened in the past year, but unfortunately the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones. So now that I only have 11 more months to be 22 I am pretty much begging that 22 be a little bit more kind than 21.
I should have known that my 21st year wasn't going to be a good one by the way it started out. Actually, I think subconsciously I knew, but was in denial. So let's start with the low points and then hopefully end on a positive note.
So the lows started when half of my so-called friends that said they were going to come out for my birthday didn't. And honestly I still haven't really let it go, obviously. But I greatly appreciate my friends that did. :) Then my birthday night happened and my bf at the time tried to leave and go home which pissed me off, then later on the next day we got into another tiff and needless to say our relationship ended that weekend. Fast forward a few months and I was denied from TFA, denied from 3 of the grad schools I applied to except for one. Got stranded at the Philly airport and had to drive 5 hours to one of the grad school interviews, that later rejected me and then my mom, got deployed.
Now the positives. I met a really great guy who I thought was the love of my life. I got into grad school. I graduated from undergrad. I studied abroad in London and even got to spend a weekend in Paris visiting a friend. And I turned 22. Not super excited about being 22, but blessed to see another year.
Now since I've been 22, I've been dumped and had to deal with being in a new place without his emotional support. But I'm still alive! And I got a graduate assistantship, I got to go backstage at a concert, I enjoy my classes so far, and I have a pretty cool mentor. Needless to say it's been ok.
There were a lot of great things that happened in the past year, but unfortunately the bad things seem to outweigh the good ones. So now that I only have 11 more months to be 22 I am pretty much begging that 22 be a little bit more kind than 21.
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